“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”
Albert Einstein
Altered States of Consciousness
I often talk about entering an altered state of consciousness when I work with my clients. What is an altered state of awareness, or consciousness? Neurobiologist Marc Whitman says "an altered state of consciousness is the disillusion of feelings of time and self.” The “self” is defined by the ego. It develops as we experience the world, as we explore our humanness. In an altered state of awareness we discover our Self. The “Self” is the true being which came into the world; the innocence which existed before the development of the ego. Christa Smith writes in Psychology Today: “Altered states of consciousness are sacred and powerful places which reveal that there is more to ourselves and our potential for healing than the ordinary mind can grasp.”
My personal experiences of altered states range from childbirth to rock climbing, from fasting on a VisionQuest to yoga. I have experienced an altered state of consciousness as I responded to what a downhill slope had to offer; my snowboard, body and the trail becoming one. I have experienced this state in my dream world. We all experience these moments. What we do with these gems discovered, these transformative moments, determines whether they become transformational or not. My most powerful experiences, such as through energy healing, drumming and plant medicine, have been entered into with focused intention and followed by supported integration. These guided journeys have yielded amazing results in my life.
Pondering over concerns is a valuable step in healing and manifestation of our goals. However, when the issues are viewed from the same vantage point, attempting to make a positive change can be frustrating. My goal as a transformative life coach and energy healer is to guide my clients through different practices on a journey from ego mind to heart mind so that their inner knowing can reveal itself. Then, with integration, the gems mined from their experience can lead to a meaningful transformation of their lives.
Lessons from an Eclipse
Looking forward to the celestial events coming up, I noticed that the eclipse will be moving from west to east. Confused by this, I did a little research. Much to my surprise, I discovered that the moon orbits from west to east. I “know” the moon rises in the east and sets in the west so how can this be?
Like so much of life, it is all about relationship. The speed in which the Earth spins in a 24 hour period in relation to the speed of the moon’s 28 day rotation around us causes the illusion of the moon rising in the east and setting in the west. The sun, with its further distance illuminates the truth.
The natural world is a beautiful teacher and the lessons of the eclipse are many. It reminds me that I may not always be right about what I think I know. I am reminded to step back from a situation to gain a broader perspective. It reinforces the power of curiosity. I can see how powerful relationship is and how the reality of that relationship can change depending upon my vantage point.
So, on Monday, April 8, as the eclipse travels to us here in Vermont from the west, let us remember how having a greater perspective allows us to see things as they may otherwise be.
Intelligence of Dreams
Sitting at the base of a grass covered mound in a meadow, bright sunshine overhead, I am delicately trying to put a mouse into one of the many stuff sacks which surround me. The mouse pokes her nose through the opening. I do not want to injure this mouse, so I gently poke her nose back into the hole, only for it to emerge again before I can tighten the string. I pick up a mesh bag and gently place the mouse in it so she can breathe freely and I am able to quickly cinch the sack closed. With much tenderness, I place that sack into another, pull the drawstring, and repeat this process until all of the sacks are used. Tenderly, I pick up the pile of bags housing the mouse and place it on the grassy mound.
The dreamworld is very powerful. Our time asleep gives us so much information. Our unconscious mind offers us a different point of view. It's like being on the bottom of the river gazing up through the water to see the clouds instead of being on the bank noticing the pebbles beneath the water. Looking through the same river, the perspective is different.
I woke up from my dream, remembering it vividly, palpably. I could feel the sun on my skin and hear the bees buzzing over the wildflowers. Most importantly, I remembered how much care I was putting into my task at hand and how symbolic the act was. What was I putting away? What was I protecting? I pondered about the message of the dream.
I called a friend to ask him if he would listen to, and mirror my dream. Mirroring is a way of reflecting for another perspective. He was curious about the mouse which represented, to him, the ability to see the minutia of everything. He reflected that a mouse can easily chew through anything and wondered about the futility of layering the bags. He was also curious about the ceremonial mound. “Hmm”, I thought, "what is trying to emerge that I once shoved out of my consciousness?”
A few months later, a question arose in my mind while wandering through the forest. “Why did I still view myself as a divorced person?” “I was pregnant and postpartum, but I do not consider myself postpartum today”, I thought. I realized in that moment what the dream represented. I walked across the earth navigating my days and interacting with people with an assumption, stuffed down deep, that being a divorced person represented failure. I was either subtly trying to compensate for it or or not so subtly overcompensating for this hidden feeling. My insight allowed me to see and work on an underlying belief which I unconsciously operated from. Thank you dreamtime!
Periodically, after an energy healing session, a client reports that they didn't notice a shift despite me noticing a significant change in their energy. On these occasions, I ask them to be mindful of their dreams since it is common for an energetic release in the body to show itself through a dream. Many times the client comes back to me with a dream to tell and, after the mirroring process, they see a new way to look at their situation.
The body is very adept and always at work healing itself. As we sleep, the pituitary gland excretes a growth hormone which helps repair the micro injuries of the day, even when we are unaware of the damage. Our psyche can be injured or misled without us knowing as well. The unconscious dreaming mind doesn’t actually speak in a straight forward way. It forms patterns, and pieces images together from our personal subconscious library of experiences and memories, often showing itself in metaphors. This is why some dreams are so bizarre. When we learn the language of the dream world, our dreams can truly show us things that we have tucked away, giving us the insight for psychic healing to occur.
May you all have healing dreams!
“The reward of patience is patience.”
St. Augustine
I walk to the nearby river with the highs and lows of my day busying my mind. The joy in hearing my chortling hens, the frustration reading the days headlines, the giddiness that wells up inside of me in anticipation of seeing the one I love bounce around in my head. Weighing heavily under this choppy water of thought is rumination about well made plans which have not yet given me the results I have been looking for. I notice the attachment to outcomes and desires which loom below the surface. I have great intention, I have tended the soil, I have planted the seed! Quieting my mind, I sink down a little deeper and feel the currents of responsibility, doubts and worries influencing my concern.
I walk to the river to look at the water. I walk to the river to ask the water to help me see what I cannot see.
The pool above the riffle appears still, like the mirror surface of a lake in the dawning light. The reflection of the clouds and trees can be seen clearly and with a shift in visual perspective I peer below the surface to see the rocky bottom and the life that swims in the water. A tilt of my head, a step further away, or a step closer to the edge and what is presented to me changes. Thank you, Water, for this experience in perspective. I invite myself to drop even deeper and feel the currents of my beliefs, assumptions, and fears pulling me along. I watch the water and let these thoughts float down stream.
A stone catches my eye, calls to me. I pick it up, close my eyes, and cast my concern and the stone into the river. Instead of hearing a splash, I hear a thud. I open my eyes to see that it has landed on an ice shelf, sitting alone on the frozen water.
After a moment of disappointment that the stone missed its mark, I realize that it had landed in exactly the right place. In time, it will absorb the heat of the sun and melt through the ice, or the ice shelf will break and drop the stone. In good time the stone will find the river.
In a world of instant oatmeal and microwave ovens I want things now. The lesson of the river today is one of patience. I have done the work, I have set my intention. In good time the fruits of my labor will ripen and I will witness the manifestation of my efforts. I walk home in greater spirits, knowing that I have done what I need to do and now it is time to wait.
At Trillium I often work with people outside of their familiar walls. In the elements, they discover their own ways of hearing their inner voice of guidance and seeing their situations from a new perspective. Bearing witness to their insights nourishes me and brings me joy.
Nourishment and joy to all of you, my friends.
Deep healing through journeying within
What does this mean?
Let’s first look at the word “heal”.
Merriam Webster’s definition of heal is “to cause an undesirable condition to be overcome; to mend.” And, “to restore original purity or integrity, to make whole or sound.” At Trillium Healing Arts we aim to facilitate wholeness. My clients often feel disconnected from themselves, separated from nature, or isolated from others, all of which can affect their ability to manifest their desires. The goal is to discover stored attitudes, beliefs, and energies which are adversely affecting our lives and work toward releasing them.
Now let’s look at the word “journey”.
Webster’s defines it as a noun, “something suggesting travel or passage from one place to another.” Or as a verb, “to travel over or through”. Transformation in our life requires that we travel into our unconscious selves, diving below the surface so that we can see how our ego navigates the waters of our life. We must embrace a willingness to discover and uncover that which is needed to make a shift in our lives.
How do we “journey within”?
It involves leaving our comfort zone with the intention to discover.
“Transformative Coaching Conversations” are designed to provoke different ways of seeing ourselves so that concepts, beliefs, and stories can be transmuted from subconsciously controlling our lives into an awareness, allowing us to make a conscious change.
But, sometimes this cognitive awareness is only the first step and deeper work is needed. Energy Healing sessions can help mobilize unprocessed emotions stored in the body. Once released, one feels more connected with themselves, gaining a new ability to move forward. Breathwork, guided drumming meditations, shinrin-yoku (Japanese term for physiological and psychological exercises commonly called forest bathing), drumming, and plant medicine are other ways to dive beneath the ego so that deep seated fears, dramas, or misunderstandings can be revealed. These revelations allow us to process and release the energetic, subconscious hold they have on us.
“Deep healing through journeying within” means that we learn to listen to our intuitive selves and gain an understanding of how the rational mind may be short sighted or narrow minded. We discover our true self below the flotsam and jetsam of our lives, bringing our gift of Self to the surface.
In reverence of the great mystery of life and gratitude for all of life, I look forward to working with you.
Julia Wolf
Energy in Motion
“Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.”
Energy arises and is experienced as a feeling in the body and the mind attributes an emotion to the feeling. The emotion is the cerebral response to a physiological response and, if unchecked, a cycle of unwellness may occur. Suppressed, repressed, or rejected emotions are not metabolized, transmuted or released and get stored in the body in the form of blockages to the normal flow of energy. These energetic dams can affect organ health or how we respond to the world.
My healing story began with sitting with my emotional energy. With much practice, I began to understand the roots of some of my recurring emotions which were accompanied by old stories of unworthiness and self doubt. Cognitively, I could tell my self that the soil from which these stories sprang was no longer the same soil. I started a self compassion practice to compliment the practice of sitting with my emotional life. But, I could not get a complete grip on the situation and could still be triggered into thinking patterns which could affect my daily life. Cognitive therapy helped in many ways but there was an undertow that could easily knock me over and pull me down a less than favorable path, sucking me into an energetic vortex that I could not explain.
Yearning to feel whole, I explored beyond meditation and cognitive therapy and discovered energy medicine. Life became a journey which was accompanied by many skilled practitioners of Yoga, breathwork, shamanic journeying and energy healing. I experienced the release of toxicity from my body in the form of movement and emoting. These experiences were often accompanied by memories which I was able to face, process and resolve and I was left with a feeling of peace and ease in my body. I would return to my meditation and intention practices after each session with a renewed spirit, gratitude and reverence for the mystery. My time sitting in meditation became more revelatory, more comforting. I developed greater self compassion and unconditional love for myself and others. My intention practices evolved as the understanding of my Self grew.
Ocassionally I would catch myself in old ways of thinking. "I have already let this go!”, I would shout out to the cosmos. And then, I noticed that the pattern was not circular like that of the seasons and the moon, but in the form of a spiral like the universe. With each re-encounter with my triggers, I was able to dive a little deeper, see the situation from a slightly different perspective, heal a little more holistically. And, much to my satisfaction, the triggers became far less frequent, and and their resolution occured more quickly. Life began to flourish in every aspect.
Life is a journey and it is not designed to be taken alone. At Trillium, we work with patterns, relationships, and blocked energy to assist the navigation of one’s inner landscape, integrating body, mind and spirit in order to take a transformative journey.
Peace, Julia Wolf
Vincent Van Gogh
“Striving toward your goal, there is much you do not see which is right before your eyes.”
Hermann Hesse
Setting Intention
We live in a face paced, success driven society which measures itself through progress, words and busyness. Because of this, we often get lost in our thoughts, our to do list, and accomplishing our goals. The exuberance of victory fades and we refocus on the next goal. Sometimes, if we can stop long enough, we discover that the goals achieved haven’t gotten us any closer to the feelings of satisfaction our hearts yearn for.
Why are we not satisfied? How can this be? In my life, I realized that what I was missing was peace in just being. So, I set my intention for just that.
My work began with clear intention. The intention practices I worked with changed over time as I examined undercurrents of outdated beliefs and stories. I celebrated the fruits of my labors, triumphs and joys. I was able to welcome into my being the lessons learned from traumas, heartbreak, and failures. I noticed the facets of my life which were incongruent with feeling peace deep within. I created new goals and honed my intention. As time went on, I began to feel the inner peace I was seeking and watched my life blossom. This does not mean that I am always at peace. It means that I am able to respond to the world more resiliently and with greater gentleness towards myself.
Intention is a focus on a way of being in the ever-changing present moment. A way of being is a state of mind which trickles into every aspect of our lives. Clear intention allows us to let go of what we think we want and be open to what may come. It allows us to see a whole new world of possibilities, to notice opportunities outside of the picture the unexamined ego paints. We can then take a right turn with certainty despite our goal oriented mind being sure that the prize is on the road straight ahead. Diverging from the path, we see what we otherwise would not have known existed, walking into the unimagined with awe and excitement.
“Intention is a focus on a way of being in the ever-changing present moment.”
Julia Wolf
Intention Practices
A number of years ago I found myself falling into an excessive amount of inner dialogue regarding an issue. I set an intention to “let it go”. One of my favorite intention practices is forest bathing. I posed the question, “What is it about this problem that has me hooked?” I walked into the forest and soon noticed the woodpeckers amongst the trees along the path. Flap, flap, and the bird flew higher until she would glide and drop down again. The woodpecker’s flight pattern - flap, flap, glide - caused them to fly in a wave-like, sinusoidal pattern. My storyline was causing a “dip in my wave pattern” causing my mood and sense of self worth to plummet until I was able to think about something else. This was not the answer to my problem, but it offered me a practice to remember. Now, when I see a woodpecker I am reminded to let go.
This happened when I was preparing for my name changing ceremony. The friend who I wanted to officiate became ill and I had to scramble for an officiant. A brand new friend called. When she found out my predicament she offered to fill in. I felt resistance to this as I hardly knew her. Gazing out the window at the bird feeder as I listened, I noticed 4 woodpeckers fly in. I thanked her for her offer and asked her if I could get back to her. I sat with the woodpeckers and their reminder to “let go” and saw that my resistance was in letting go of the plan I had created for the ceremony. I graciously accepted her offer and she officiated a beautiful ceremony!
Intention practices are ways to 1) remember our intention, 2) discover what is keeping us from manifesting our intention, and 3) removing the internal obstacles which are in our way.
The second aspect of an intention practice is self examination without using the critical mind. How do we tap into our inner wisdom to gain a new perspective? Forest bathing often works for me but there are many other practices one can follow. The key is in learning how to be your own objective observer.
Meditation can help us quiet our thinking mind enough so we can “notice” the thoughts as they pass by rather than jumping on the thought train. With a quieter mind we can then hear our heart speak. Mind mapping is a way to visualize the relationships between the different facets of our lives in the context of our intention. A moon practice is a way of visiting our intention throughout the moon phases in order to celebrate the stepping stones crossed and release attitudes competing with our intention.
The third aspect of releasing our internal barriers usually requires some help. These blocks are often so old that we don’t remember them and so deep we that cannot see them. In my intention “to be present” I recently discovered one of my triggers causing me to loose my sense of self awareness. When I feel that I am not being acknowledged or that the person I am with is not trying to understand me, I feel doubt, sometimes anger, and that I don’t matter. Yuck, those thoughts aren’t helpful! Feeling safe in self-expression is now part of my intention in order to be present. I will need help with this and have decided to take voice lessons with an energy practitioner. Stay posted, I’ll let you know how it turns out!
My heart sings when I am able to help people form their intention and create intention practices that work for them. Often, Transformative Life Coaching sessions are sufficient. When extra help is needed, Energy Healing and Breathwork sessions are great ways to release those deep, old energy blocks.
As I share on my website - “My formal education as a physical therapist and transformative life coach has been excellent soil from which Trillium Healing Arts blossoms. The sun which shines on Trillium Healing Arts comes from my love for the natural world. The rain which waters the practice, comes from my personal healing through study, nature immersion, meditation and intention practices.”
I am honored and am grateful to be in service to you.
Julia Wolf
Murky Waters of Assumption
“The river has great wisdom and whispers its secret to the hearts of men.” – Mark Twain
Months ago I took a walk to the river with question to ponder. “Why am I having such a difficult time getting my thoughts onto paper?” Beautiful expressions of life flow through my mind but often don’t coherently flow through my pen or keyboard. So, into the river I tossed a stone representing my writer’s block.
I looked at the stone now sitting in its brightness on the river bottom, much like the ideas stuck in my head. I noticed that the stone stirred up silt which began to flow as a thin stream of murky water over the stony bottom. “There is an undercurrent of assumption derailing my efforts”, I thought.
What is the assumption? I would pick up and ponder this question periodically, and then set it back down. Then recently, I was in a conversation with a group of people who discovered a common love for writing. We found ourselves discussing the joys and frustrations in creating a relationship between writer and reader. I shared with them how vulnerable I often felt as I wrote. Aha! The undercurrent serendipitously showed itself to me in that moment. My subconscious assumption was that I had nothing unique to offer through my words that You, my reader, don’t already know!
I sat for a while in these murky waters of assumption. Transformation involves self awareness in order to connect with our hidden obstacles. My walk to the river and the symbolic toss of my concern into the water allowed me to tap into my intuition. “A-ha” moments often are not instantaneous but trickle into view over time.
The A-ha is a transformative moment. It gives us the opportunity to look at the underlying assumption if we so choose. Transformation happens when there is a shift in perspective freeing us to navigate the world with a broader view. Peering deeply into my assumption has given me the opportunity to make a conscious choice in how I see myself as a writer. It took time for the murky waters to become clear. Now with this clarity, I look forward to the creation of the reader and writer relationship.
My intention is to share life with you through the lens of my experience. I offer up my creative vulnerability when communicating my a-ha experiences with the hope that my story will give you food for thought. My essays will resonate differently with each reader, but if they create a positive shift in one persons thinking or stimulates another to ponder, I’ve hit my mark.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
― Joseph Campbell
I was in a bit of a funk, missing my physical therapist self of 24 years. I devoted much dedication and hard work to my practice! So, I went forest bathing seeking relief from my melancholy.
The day was gorgeous, beautiful fresh late spring ferns covered the forest floor. The canopy, still pale in its green color was full of warblers, the floor alive with thrushes. “Fresh start, new beginnings”, I told myself, “get over your sad self!” Cresting a hill, appreciating the forest, I received a gift. A moose had shed an antler and there it lay for me to see. Bleached by the winter sun, gnawed on by the forest rodents, the antler sat as if on an alter, offering its wisdom.
This antler was shed sometime during the winter and the moose is now back in his growing season with the antler buds covered with velvet, rich with blood vessels. Moose are often seen at this time of year with their heads deep into the calcium and phosphorous rich water plants growing in Abbey Pond. Their ferocious appetite nourishes the fast growing bone which will be more glorious than the antler produced the year before. Autumn will come and he will scrape the velvet from the antlers and walk with pride under their shining glory during the mating season.
Their long legs offer them easy passage through the deep mountain snow in the cold winter. Moose antlers can weigh 15 pounds apiece. With mating season behind them, the antlers become an energy sink, burdening their survival efforts, so they shed their glorious hard work. In the springtime they will begin anew, creating an even more magnificent rack.
The antler is a beautiful lesson in gracefully letting go of a career that I am proud of. Like the calcium and phosphorous of the bone living on through the forest rodents, my practice will live on through those climbing in their careers. Like the effort poured into building the new antler bone, my new efforts will sustain me. Like the anticipation of the next mating season, I anticipate helping many more in new ways.
Thank you, Moose Medicine!
The natural world is a reflection of ourselves. Mother Earth offers us so much wisdom if we are able to walk with the intention to quiet our ego and hear our inner voice. Forest Bathing is a beautiful way to relearn how to connect with our true, nature self, and remember how to hear our earth body speak, council and guide us.
I look forward to our paths meeting again on our healing journeys, Julia Wolf
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”
Albert Einstein
My rational mind, operating contentedly in my world, can easily cast away intuitive feelings which are not congruent with the worldview it lives in. Caged inside of the servant mind, the rational mind can shield me from my inner knowing. This is how the ego gets a bad rap. The necessary ego, the necessary rational mind which allows easy navigation through this human constructed system called our reality. This is how I forget to listen when my deeper wisdom calls.
How do I step away from the faithful servant to see new perspectives, expand my worldview, to listen? The intuitive mind is the connection to the divine. The intuitive mind is a sacred gift. How do I open it?
The practice of meditation has been key. The operative word is practice. Once I stopped focusing on meditating and began to focus on practicing, I discovered that any moment could be a meditative moment. How powerful! In these meditative moments I clear my mind from its rationalizing, conceptualizing, seeing the moment from its perspective only thinking. From this place, there is no “knowing” and my intuitive self can be recognized.
I have always felt most comfortable with myself when out in, with nature, outside of human constructed walls which cut me off from my true, earth self. Here I hear most deeply. I can cast my concerns into the forest and wait for the trees, the birds, the wind to remind me of who I really am, to shed light on a new perspective, to illuminate a way of being. Dion Fortune’s definition of magic is “Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.” In the forest, magic happens.
The positive feedback loop of the rational mind can be powerful, especially with a history of trauma. This became so amazingly clear to me as I was struggling to rid my thinking mind from its perpetual loop of story telling, of how it protected my reality. These thoughts were very strong, a crevasse so deep that it was hard to climb out of. Breathwork became a valuable tool for me. Through Breathwork I have been able to tap into my deep sense of being, release old traumas, develop undying compassion for myself and see the world through a much larger lens. I was able to open my sacred gift.
One of the manifestations of my gift has been Trillium Healing Arts. Inside my yurt I welcome anyone who is on the healing path, anyone who is looking to open their sacred gift.
In reverence and gratitude, Julia Wolf